Eight-legged snack

5 06 2012

I’ve mentioned before my distaste of spiders and the fact that I can’t squish them without getting totally grossed out about it. Especially if they’re big. But something happened today that has brought my spider aversion to a whole new level.

First off, when I was getting out of my shower early this morning, I noticed a huge spider on the bathroom wall. He was just sitting there, staring at me. It was thankfully NOT one of those big hairy spiders which–knock on wood!–I haven’t seen here in Germany yet. He was just a common house spider (Pholcidae – a.k.a. daddy long-legs).  But because he was too big, I couldn’t bring myself to kill him – so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed a cup and some paper and scooped him up inside. Then I raced over to the balcony and flung him over the edge. All this in my birthday suit, thank you very much. Not a very nice way to start the morning…that is, unless you’re one of my neighbors and you happened to see the naked woman on the balcony at 6:40 a.m. and were delighted at the unexpected surprise.  Ahem.

Fast forward to this afternoon. I’m walking out of work and back to the metro stop, texting a friend details about the wedding. Then all of a sudden my mouth felt weird. As if something from lunch had been lodged in my teeth and had just suddenly come loose. But it was a large mass and I didn’t remember having the feeling of anything stuck in my teeth after lunch. So I instinctively put my finger into my mouth and scooped it out. And what do you know? IT. WAS. A. SPIDER. My face pretty much looked like this:


Needless to say, I was pretty thoroughly freaked out. As my uncle Jeff would say in the 80’s, “Grody to the max!” Ugh. That is by far one of the most disgusting realizations I’ve ever had – the fact that there was a spider in. my. mouth. How does that kind of thing even happen!?

My only explanation is that the spider from this morning wanted revenge. After his flight down to the ground, he probably wrote about it in his weblog, how this mean girl threw him out of the house and he called upon his fellow spiders to avenge him. And some weirdo took up the challenge. What, you don’t think spiders use the world wide web?




3 responses

5 06 2012

That is one of my totally dreaded irrational fears! that one day I’ll find a spider in my mouth or eat one when I’m sleeping or something. ACK!

5 06 2012

Oh my god, I’m am shuddering with disgust and fear as I read your post. So gross!! Hope you manage to recover and repress that memory as much as possible!

7 06 2012
tobias stäbler

well, I think the spider who saw you naked in the morning climbed up the wall to see that beautiful lady again…

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